My life as a dad is infinitely different from when I was single. Heck, it’s really different than being a married guy without kids. It is like I am wearing glasses with color filters so that the world looks like a different shade.
Over the past two-and-a-half years since becoming a dad, I realized a bunch of stuff that wasn’t at all clear to me pre-kids. I thought I’d write a post on how my perspective on the world has changed.
So, here’s a laundry list of things that I realized once I became a dad!
#1: So that’s what drive-thrus are for!
Before, I honestly thought drive-thrus were for lazy slobs who couldn’t be bothered to get out of the car for a Big Mac.
Nope.
Drive-thrus were created for parents who just want to get a damn coffee and a donut without having to drag all of their kids and gear out of the car every single time.
Even taking a single baby out of the car for an errand is a really big deal. It’s illegal in a lot of places to leave a baby in a car unattended (and it totally should be!). Taking out the baby, stroller, and support gear, struggling with opening a store door, and navigating through a crowd of people with all that stuff is pretty annoying.
So, thank God for drive-thrus. They seriously help a busy parent out!
#2: Mold is the enemy!
Since I became a parent, I have learned that mold, as an organism, loves human children.
Anything coming in contact with kids tends to be covered, soaked-in, or soiled with food. If left for a time without washing, these items will get moldy and stinky. This is highly annoying.
Laundry in particular is prone to growing lots of stinky, mildew-y, and gross mold. This is especially Bad News Bears with an infant around as mold loves milk-soaked clothing.
You, as a parent, are a soldier in the battle against mold. Here’s a couple of tips on how to fight the fight:
Solution for laundry: Wash your stinky, moldy laundry with 1-2 cups of white vinegar instead of laundry detergent, and then wash again with normal detergent. If you have a particularly gross washing machine, try running a load solo with vinegar to try and clean it out.
Solution for anything else: Scrub your gross baby bottles, surfaces, and toys with vinegar, then scrub them down with normal detergent. Yes, vinegar is your friend. Buy a lot of it. You can get 5 L of vinegar at CostCo for like $5. It is probably the cheapest and safest cleaning agent that you can use.
#3: Spare time is rare and really important!
Before I became a parent, I had a ridiculous abundance of spare time. Binge-watching the crap out of Netflix, going out until 3 A.M., and playing sports (oh how I miss sports!) filled my spare time.
Now as a parent, spare time is a rare commodity that I value enormously. I realize that I absolutely need spare time in order to hang out with my family, learn things that I need to learn, and of course for some well-deserved R&R.
As humans, we need spare time like we need oxygen. As a parent, I have to proactively find ways to get more spare time, else I will feel like I am running on an infinite hamster wheel.
If you feel stressed-out and feel like you have no spare time on your hands, check out my recent podcast on the subject.
#4: Everyday household items are now lethal weapons.
That outlet over there? Lethal.
This heavy appliance on the countertop with a cord dangling over the edge? Lethal.
Literally ANYTHING smaller than 1 inch in diameter? Lethal choking hazard!
Child-proofing a house for young kids is really hard. Just about every single thing that used to be an innocuous object can now be creatively transformed into a crazy-dangerous hazard by an enterprising little rug rat.
I remember when I was around five years old I took one of those metal navigator compasses—you know, the ones with two spikes coming out of a forked frame? I stuck that in an electrical outlet and got blown backwards across the room. I remember that being really funny.
I think a fascination of electrical outlets is genetic, as my two year old is also totally into them. Suffice it to say, we’ve invested in plenty of dummy plugs.
Detecting a hazard usually involves my daughter curiously holding an object, then attempting to eat it/pull on it/throw it, or otherwise engage with it in a really dangerous manner, and us frantically trying to stop her. Then we child-proof the whole house for that thing. It’s an iterative process!
#5: Kids’ songs are super catchy earworms!
“Bayyyy-beeeee Shark! Doo-du-du-du-du-doo! Baby Shark! Doo-du-du-du-du-doo!”
I totally love kids’ songs now. These songs are designed to be as highly addictive as possible. Heck, I’ve caught myself driving solo in the car with the kid tunes on, singing right along.
It is also amazing what they can do with computer-generated videos to go along with the songs. I think I’ve seen several dozen video versions of “Baby Shark”, with both the original Korean lyrics and in English!
#6: Your social life revolves around children.
Boy oh boy does it.
You will have an entire set of friends where the common thread is that everyone has kids around the same age.
Adult get-togethers revolve around play-dates. Your kids will essentially be match-makers for meeting new adults.
I didn’t realize how powerful this effect was until I had Victoria. Pretty much all of our weekend activities revolve around our little one. She is essentially the focus of our entire social lives!
I actually really enjoy having my social life being defined by kids’ activities. It makes me feel young again. I re-learned how to enjoy hanging out in playgrounds, horsing around with my nephews and nieces, and going on field trips to the farm or the aquarium.
You see life through a different filter. It’s a pretty great thing.
#7: Just because your child can finally understand you, doesn’t mean she will listen!
Finally, a confession of my utter pre-kid ignorance.
I thought that once my kid would grow up a little and learn some language, then she would do whatever I ask her to do. Talk about super ignorant!
I think this ignorance comes from watching too much Star Trek. You know the episode where the captain finally makes a breakthrough in communicating with the alien species just at the brink of war, and due to the newfound language understanding the humans and aliens stop fighting? Like, how understanding language solves everything?
Well, I used to think the same way about my kid, that once she started to talk then our communication would flourish, and she would do whatever I say.
The truth (obvious to every parent but me!) is that once my daughter could talk and understand language, she would use that as a tool to be even more obstinately rebellious and independent!
My daughter is a toddler now. Since she learned how to talk (in both English and Korean!) I have found that I need to employ Jedi Mind Tricks in order to persuade her to do anything. My understanding of child psychology is growing by leaps and bounds!