In this “Preparing for Fatherhood” series of posts I’m taking my own advice from my book, A Man’s Guide to Newborn Babies, to prepare for the arrival of my second child. Part 2 is about developing a positive mental attitude about fatherhood.
Having a positive mental attitude about fatherhood is one of the most important things to establish before a baby arrives.
Attitude drives everything. If you have a positive mental attitude about fatherhood, then you will want to do anything it takes to be a great dad.
And “anything it takes” is really what it takes—taking care of a newborn baby requires work and dedication!
This is how I’m preparing for fatherhood: by working on my mental game for the rigors of having a newborn baby in my life.
Gratitude
A good place to start is gratitude.
Being thankful is powerful medicine that wards against negativity. If you hold in your mind thankful thoughts on the regular, then that pushes all the negative thoughts and attitudes out of your brain.
A great way to practice gratitude is to write down three things that you are thankful for in the morning.
It takes like ten seconds to do, but it sets you up for a great day all day.
As a daily practice, I’ve been writing down in a Word journal three things that I am grateful for each morning.
Today, I’m grateful for these three things:
- I have an amazing daughter and wife.
- I am going to be a father again in five weeks!
- I have a job that is deeply satisfying and meaningful.
It is important to write it down rather than simply thinking it. Thoughts are ephemeral, words written on paper are concrete. Try this out. It really helps you out mentally.
Reminder of the reasons for having a kid in the first place
I am constantly reminding myself why I am having another child in my life. Or, why be a father at all?
It is very easy for a guy to get confused on this point.
Kids are expensive in both time and money. Kids frustrate you, make you late, and throw food at your designer clothes.
But they are the absolutely the best thing in an adult human’s life.
Why?
- Kids make you feel great whenever you’re with them.
- As a guy, your mind, soul, and your very DNA settles down to a happier state with kids in your life.
- Kids are your legacy for when you are gone.
- And kids will be the only ones there to hold your hand as they push you into surgery.
These are all solid reasons for having children.
Ignore all the superficial economic reasons not to have kids (and there are sooooo many… stay tuned for a future article on this). Having children is not a purely economic decision (even though in the end, having kids is still economically a great idea—again, will explore in a future post).
It’s all about that deep inner need to have, nurture, and protect your own family.
Faith in self
I GOT THIS!
Yeah, I totally got this baby thing.
I literally wrote a book for guys on proper conduct when they have a newborn baby in their lives.
So, um… I got this.
Right?!
It’s easy for anyone to doubt themselves when embarking on a big life change. Even though I’ve already gotten a ton of life experience with babies and toddlers with my older daughter, having two kids will definitely present its own challenges.
Whenever I have a challenge like this, I say to myself, “I got this”.
The way I think of it is, if I don’t got this, my life will devolve rapidly into utter catastrophe. Since utter catastrophe is simply not an option, then I’m sure I’ll find a solution to any problem. It’s a comforting thought.
That being said, I’ll definitely re-read my how-to baby book for guys!
Here’s an excerpt from my book on YouTube on the topic of getting your mental game in shape for becoming a father.
The only cure to fear is education and action. If you’re a new dad (or a new mom who happens to be reading a dad’s blog) and want to take action, check out my book A Man’s Guide to Newborn Babies. There’s tons of advice for new parents in this book, I hope you can check it out.
Catch up with you in the next “Preparing for Fatherhood” post!
I totally agree with this: preparing for fatherhood is as much a mental challenge as it is a physical challenge. My 12 week old baby demands a lot of work, because I feel grateful every day to have a child, it makes the work much more manageable.
Great advice for new dads!